How to kill... your boredom

I was bored yesterday so I put on some gloves and a long coat and walked down to a nearby junk yard and inquired about a running vehicle. It did not have to be in top condition but enough to go and the faster the better. The ragged gentleman with poor eye site showed me a 1973 Chevrolet Caprice with busted windows. I asked him if I could take it for a spin. Sure enough he gave me the keys and said: "enjoy". Well, that is just what I was planning on doing. So I peeled out of the driveway and was on my way to kill my boredom.

My next stop was my friend's uncle's house. I knew he wasn't home and always kept the back door open. So I hopped out of the car, walked through the back gate and in through the back door. I was here to "borrow" a few of his guns; a pair of 9mm Berettas. I checked them to see if they were empty and then put them into my pants and left. My next stop was to the gun and ammo store where I bought blanks and a hunting outfit complete with face protection. I then went home to prepare to kill my boredom.

I put on my new outfit over my jeans and t-shirt. All except the face mask. I then loaded the 2 guns with blanks and put them into the pockets of my hunting outfit. For kicks I looked into my closet door mirror and uttered De Niro's "Are you looking at me?" I then put on my long concealing coat and walked out of my home and around the corner where I parked the Chevy. Before I got into my car I took my jacket off and put it into a bush. Got into the car and began my journey to kill my boredom.

I drove around like a mad man who didn't care about what happens to him in life. I had no respect for any 'law of the road'. I was free. I did all but put anyone's life endanger. I cautiously blew a few red lights and stop signs. I drove on side walks and did donuts in the middle of intersections. I caused quite a spectacle. However, I did not get pulled over for the longest time. This was my intention. I sped by the police station. This was exciting and caused my adrenaline to pump madly through my vain. But the police did not notice. After driving a while I became flustered and even pulled into the parking lot of the police station and did a burn-out right out of the drive-way. No response. I was asking for it. But I received nothing for my request. I could not kill my boredom.

Finally as I was beginning to lose interest in this whole thing I drove by a doughnut shop. Ironically enough, there were 3 cop cars parked in the parking lot with 5 policemen standing by their cars shooting the breeze while they sipped on their coffee. A grin sliced my face open as I pulled into the lot. I drove right up to them and yelled out the busted window with my face protection on: "Hey pigs! Want some donuts?" One of them spilt coffee all over him as I peeled-out and begun doing donuts in the parking lot. The cops stood there with their jaws dropped for what seemed like a hundred donuts. As soon as I saw them scramble to do something I peeled out of the drive way and down the road to kill my boredom.

The Chevy was going as fast as it could go down the highway. I was almost gone when the police started to pull out of the drive way with their lights on. I slowed a little for them to catch up just a little; just enough so they can keep me in view. The chase was on to kill my boredom.

I took them for a wild goose chase which lasted 15 minutes but to me felt a long time. I then decided to return the car. I had at least a block in between the cops and I. I pulled into the driveway like the mad man I was and fired a couple blanks in the air out of the passenger side window at the police. The blind ragged junk yard owner fell over on the chair in his booth. I then parked the car where it had been sitting for a long time and got out with my face mask on and a 9mm in each hand. I got out of the car and fired several shots at the police as they pulled into the yard. I then ran for the back of the yard; occasionally turning to fire a shot at the pursuing police. I then hopped a tall brick wall and into an alley. I ran down that alley as fast as I could. By the time I was almost at the end of the alley the cops were just over the brick wall. I then jumped over another wall into a backyard. The house was my friend's uncle's house. It was time to return the guns. I ran in through the back door and put the guns back were I found them; leaving them empty like I had taken them. I then ripped off my hunting gear and mask and as I left the front door I could hear the police fumbling in through the rigity back door. I ran long and hard down this street and that street then into my friend's house to say hello and then goodbye as I threw my hunting gear and mask at him and told him to put it behind the couch. I then jumped his back fence, reached into a bush and pulled out my long coat and strolled slowly into my home and but some water in the kettle to boil.

I hung up my coat, made a cup of chamomile and watched Oprah. A few hours later my friend called me on my cell. "What do you want me to do with this hunting gear?" he asked. I told him to go and kill his boredom.